a question of courage

Our upcoming move to a place 21 hrs from our home state (where we have both lived our whole lives) has me thinking. I have heard many stories about peoples' coming of age when they leave home and especially how they had to gain their own testimonies of what they believe is true, apart from parents. I feel securely grounded in my testimonies of things concerning faith in God, the church that I belong to, the truths, laws, and standards of the gospel, etc. I feel ready to share those things with others who are seeking. But I wonder sometimes if I am ready to share what I have learned about homeschooling. Not that homeschool is a gospel type truth that is the same for everyone, or that everyone should even homeschool or be 'converted' to that. I just wonder, if someone asked me to help them get started and wanted help to overcome those doubts and fears at the beginning, will I be prepared to help them? Have I worked through my own doubts and fears and developed faith enough in the process enough yet myself? I admit I lean often on the wonderful examples around me and the encouragement of friends and family who know from experience that this works. Am I ready to be that encourager for someone else?

If I get there and there is not much of a homeschool community in place, will I be ready and confident enough to start something of my own? I have often helped come up with ideas, or jumped on board to help organize things that would benefit my kids and others', but usually I am content to stay in a vice president, advisor, or background helper role. Being the one ultimately in charge of something takes some guts and I hope I can develop more of those, because I think I will need them. I probably already have put off good opportunities that could have happened sooner if I had had more courage to get them started rather than waiting for someone else to start them so I could join in.

I am realizing I need to step out of my comfort zone and consider my kids needs and how God can use me and my talents, and not let fear of falling short of perfection stop me from trying something new. Since I was homeschooled growing up, the choice to homeschool itself was not as fraught with doubt and criticism as it has been for many of my friends. But I still have to step up and stretch myself to see what I can do, and practice 'feeling the fear and doing it anyway.' I have never been one to want to do scary things. Skydiving and rollercoasters have never appealed to me. But I need to exercise my courage if I want it to strengthen and not atrophy. Often my callings in church do this for me when I am given assignments that I feel totally unprepared for by my life experience. I have to trust God must see some lesson in it that is meant for me, or some previously undiscovered gift I am meant to find in it, and jump in and hope for the best! I guess you could say that most homeschoolers are choosing to exercise faith and courage through their choice. Sometimes for me, though, I fall into homeschooling in the path of least resistance, or the path that requires the least stepping out on a limb for me. I see that that is not what my children need from a mentor, and it limits me in my potential for good and for joy. So I hope in this move to a new place, I can reinvent myself a little, choose to act in courage a little more, and see what adventures it brings.