I experience an ironic situation almost every day, one that leaves me wondering which part of me is genuine, or if both are, or neither. Let me explain. Every day I try to pray and read my scriptures, sometimes also trying to record insights in a journal. Every day while I am doing these things, I am interrupted by children fighting, screaming, hurting eachother, or doing something dangerous. It is quite the dialogue:
Me: Dear Lord, please help me to be kind and loving to my children today...
Child: Mom! J**** is taking my star wars ships! (child hits other child)
Me to Child: Stop hurting your brother! Can't you guys share! Now please get along, I just need 5 minutes of peace so I can finish my prayers...
Me: Where was I - oh yes, Please help me to be kind and loving to my children today and find joy in them...
Child: Mom! Come now! E*** is getting into the paints and they're all over the wall!
Me: Argh! I'm coming!
etc
etc
This goes on ad infinitum.
Me pleading for help to be a good mommy, while stopping in between sentences to get after, referree, and lose my temper with the kids. I try to continue to pray on the run, to pray always throughout my day. But sometimes it seems so hypocritical to even try. I know I can be a good Mom when I am alone with the Lord in peace. But once the kids are factored in (which of course are a necessary component of motherhood) my resolves seem to fly out the window. Sometimes I choose to ignore the kids and act like I can't hear them banging my door down, if I can determine from the information given that no one is in bodily harm. I try to take the time I need to compose myself if that is an option. But I wish I could find that inner peace when it actually comes time for the proving of it - anyone can be peaceful in a quiet room if they try at all, but when you are surrounded daily with screaming children (whether screaming with delight or because they are upset, it is still screaming) it is the utmost test. I only hope that my occasional successful attempts become closer together and more frequent. What I seek certainly is a 'peace that passes all understanding,' as anyone who visits my house would not understand how anyone could feel peaceful in such surruoundings. But peace is there sometimes, and I know it is possible. So I keep praying my interrupted prayers and I keep coming back to finish them. I will never be finished praying.
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1 comment:
LOL! Oh, I hope you read your past post comments!
It is my hope that all moms go through what you just described. :)
I know that sounds awful, but I experience the same thing and I need to know that I am not alone. Somedays I simply don't even venture to pray or read scriptures b/c I absolutely hate to be interrupted (not good for a mom).
I think that instead of formally praying, carrying a prayer throughout the day can "count". I am sorry for your struggles. It isn't easy, but there will come a day (I am told) when we will miss the constant interruptions. A day when our house is too quiet. A day when we will finally feel like we have finished praying. :)
Enjoy the journey (if you can). Pray to truly see the humor in every situation - it is there, even if we don't want it to be. :)
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